But what is this really about? Why do we look for that validation from others?
It’s about validating our own self-worth; that we are valued; that we have value in the world.
As we look to others to provide this we may be disappointed because they don’t express it the way we would like; or it’s simply not forthcoming at all. And, what happens then? We become even more frustrated and even more in need of that validation.
The reality is that the more we look to others for validation, the less likely it is that we will get it from them. Instead, validation has to begin within.
We have to give ourselves validation; we have to tell ourselves that we have value in the world; that we are loved and cherished. For it is not until we can give ourselves this validation that we will receive it from others.
Put another way, whatever we think and feel about ourselves on the inside is what we often experience as our outer reality. So, if you’re not feeling validated by someone else, chances are it’s because you are not giving yourself the validation and respect you deserve.
How do we give ourselves validation? Here are some key steps:
- Release the need & see what emotions come up. Can you, just for a moment, release the need for validation from others? Good. Now, ask yourself how you would feel if you couldn’t have their validation? What emotions come up? Are you angry or sad; frustrated or resentful? Whatever it is, just allow yourself to feel those emotions for a moment. They can’t harm you – they are just emotions.
- Connect with your Inner Child. Close your eyes and picture yourself at an early age. Just go with the mental image that comes to mind first. Imagine that young version of yourself feeling these emotions and feeling he/she is not validated, not valued, not loved. What might that young version of you need right now? A hug? Some love, some reassurance, some support? Can you visualize yourself giving that young version of you a hug and some love?
- Recognize your truth. As you embrace your inner child, giving him/her some love and reassurance, is there a truth that is coming up for you; a truth that can be recognized? Perhaps, it’s that you are valued, you are loved, and you need to remind yourself of that; to connect with it and feel it within you? Can you accept that truth and give yourself that self-love and validation? Tell it to yourself. Say out loud that you are loved, that you are respected, and that you have value.
The more we can connect with our real truth and give ourselves the love and respect we deserve, the more we can be at peace with ourselves. And, the more we are at peace with ourselves, the less we need to find our validation from the outside.
Of course, it’s always nice to get that validation and when we do we can celebrate it. But, when we give it first to ourselves, we no longer need it from others. Give yourself a hug and some validation and love today.